I'm booking a haircut,
But I lost the phone number
From the time my phone got ill
And had to go to Vodafone rehab.
Can't be arsed to haul out the Yellow Pages,
So here I go, tap tap tap, on Yell.com
Any number you want, it says,
Any business, it'll find.
I type in the name,
Press the yellow Search button.
Come on, it's a bloody hairdressers called Hair,
Is it that difficult?
I try again.
I 'refine' my search,
Something that always amuses me,
I'll refine my search, take it up a social class,
Give it a cigar and hope for the best.
Ok now here we go, I've got it now.
The reason I couldn't find it in the first place
Was that it's not a hairdresser's at all.
It's a hair consultants.
Well excuse me for getting that wrong,
They don't dress your hair these days,
The CONSULT it.
"Raymond's hair," they'll ask, "is a fringe ok?
How do you feel about layering, Raymond's follicles?"
Hair consultants, I ask you,
Whatever happened to a simple cut and blow dry?