Before / after

Ask me how it feels to
disappear
into thin air,
on a day when it snowed
and blared hot sun
then snowed again.
I vanished into nothing but
a stream of thought,
an overthinking,
where no amount of wine
or garishly cliched bubble baths
could ease the knot in my stomach.
I watched snow melt into the sea
while shading my eyes
behind sunglasses,
looking for the line where the clouds
stopped and the sea started,
but could not find it.
There I stood, staring into nothing,
hoping to find something.
A cup of coffee later,
I took a blustery walk,
a vain attempt
to untangle the
weeds in my head.
Funny how I can clear everyone else's
garden, but never my own.
I need to employ someone
to sweep clear my mind,
make it fresh again,
the gleaming after picture
that follows the before.