tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18967819330713861132024-03-19T16:12:04.839-07:00rachel morgan poetryRay Morgan | Poetryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07805593569452355559noreply@blogger.comBlogger237125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1896781933071386113.post-81867287422067681392024-03-19T16:08:00.000-07:002024-03-19T16:11:33.093-07:00Spring equinox<br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXe8BGRHRAnW8-cJmeHNGUiMh8Sgsm1P0bY7P1PFUOYnxFplUMoWiO9gPu8pVy5GnIIBUWOui2X3ovG_FlAIBs4K7dSjUfiW7-J5od6CmlgMEvfX7yn5mrMN5mUEdtrZw_9czgmGLDA-8Q6zpkej_g9ACfR500jVVtlVHqlzzcYI9GJFYc48AbFKX1gnY/s2927/20240319_230544.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2282" data-original-width="2927" height="249" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXe8BGRHRAnW8-cJmeHNGUiMh8Sgsm1P0bY7P1PFUOYnxFplUMoWiO9gPu8pVy5GnIIBUWOui2X3ovG_FlAIBs4K7dSjUfiW7-J5od6CmlgMEvfX7yn5mrMN5mUEdtrZw_9czgmGLDA-8Q6zpkej_g9ACfR500jVVtlVHqlzzcYI9GJFYc48AbFKX1gnY/s320/20240319_230544.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>We made it. <script type="text/javascript">
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margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">everyone is saying isn’t it lovely, under the bonus sapphire sky / but it isn’t right is it, they say, and I say no, but we need to wring every last drop out of these last warm days don’t we</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">and my heart aches like it always does this time of year / at the crispness, stillness, colours -</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">at the way the trees just know what to do and I wish we had a bit more of that conviction</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">everything has more meaning this time around / and my memories are a zoetrope of things that have been amazing and terrible and it makes me play songs on repeat more than usual</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">it’s the way gold light falls on a lawn I’m raking / looking up and seeing the brent geese coming back again like they always do / and that mildly alcoholic smell of fallen fruit in the gardens</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">the second the sun goes down on these surprise hot days, it’s blankets and tea again / and I’d almost forgotten how it felt to move my skin against a crisp cold sheet on waking</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">do some people just walk down the street as the seasons turn and not feel like they’re going to burst? / I load my camera roll to capacity, unsure what for</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">I suppose there’s something in it - the way it feels like it’s all building towards something. / we’re shedding the leaves of our year, too.</span></p></span><script type="text/javascript">
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<span style="font-size: 16px;">treasure hunt,</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">let us eat three club biscuits </span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">from the vitalite tub in the fridge </span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">if we want- </span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">this is a ruleless house.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">Take us over to the co-op</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">with its sparkling floor</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">and let us pick out any plastic tat.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">The gallones van comes, </span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">its tinkling song pulling into the cul de sac,</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">and we can have an ice cream</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">if we want,</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">or all go by different names</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">in our roleplay game of</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">running a fictional boarding school.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">I'm doris, you're georgina, she's marge,</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">inexplicably.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">We run about in a </span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">chocolate high,</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">chasing each other through the garden,</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">while our parents trawl garden centres</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">leaving us to maraud with grandma.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">We wince when our grandad washes our hair in the bath,</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">but roar with laughter when grandma dries us,</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">pretending to drop us,</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">before climbing into soft pyjamas</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">and wondering after another treat.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">Grandma cries when we go home,</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">and presses money into my hands in secret,</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">and she runs around the corner to wave us off,</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">always there outside the white lion pub,</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">waving like we'll never come back,</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">but we count down the weeks until </span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">its a school holiday again, so we</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">can walk into that house again,</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">to the smell of welsh cakes just out of the oven,</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">our beds all made up, </span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">the vitalite tub restocked.</span><br />
<!--/data/user/0/com.samsung.android.app.notes/files/clipdata/clipdata_bodytext_230415_165235_076.sdocx--><script type="text/javascript">
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} catch(err) {}</script><div>on a plane home</div><div>only for it to then be grounded, </div><div>my hot and heavy limbs</div><div>sank into a new aeroplane seat,</div><div>my body </div><div>a beanbag without much stuffing</div><div>folding down on itself. </div><div>A privileged kind of holiday fatigue,</div><div>the kind where I'm scorched and </div><div>languid, </div><div>salt-marked and bronzed from days of</div><div>enviable winter sun.</div><div>But still, </div><div>nobody wants to spend four hours</div><div>on a plane that doesn't even take off.</div><div>The new plane was smaller,</div><div>hotter,</div><div>busier,</div><div>but on the ascent we tracked a giant glowing</div><div>peppermint in the dark-</div><div>a full moon in virgo,</div><div>blaring a white runway of light on the</div><div>sea which we flew over at alarming speed.</div><div>It's funny, flying,</div><div>isn't it. </div><div>How it's both real and unreal</div><div>at the same time,</div><div>like so many other things in life. </div><div>I ordered an unnecessary wine,</div><div>and wanted to read my book but</div><div>all I could do was </div><div>gaze out there,</div><div>at that peppermint moon,</div><div>the way you eye someone you know</div><div>will become a lover, but</div><div>before anything has happened. </div><div>It stayed right by my side for hours;</div><div>the whole flight,</div><div>longer than I sat on that other </div><div>dead aircraft,</div><div>reminding me to think about letting go, </div><div>and my intentions,</div><div>and look back at old ones I'd made. </div><div>I'd never have seen this moon </div><div>if we'd set off on time,</div><div>I thought, </div><div>wondering what it was about the leylines of fate </div><div>that made me look at its cool and</div><div>watchful presence tonight,</div><div>over a sea that scared me,</div><div>wondering if anyone ever really wants to</div><div>go home. </div><div><br /></div>Ray Morgan | Poetryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07805593569452355559noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1896781933071386113.post-8603158157324251432023-02-20T23:31:00.003-08:002023-02-20T23:31:53.955-08:00What it isIt's the way the sun streams in the skylight<script type="text/javascript">
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<span style="font-size: 16px;"><i>let's write a list of life rules,</i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;"><i>one for each year of our lives</i></span>.<br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">I wrote 38, he wrote 35</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">(damn him); </span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">some of ours crossed over.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">Some of his I wished I'd put on mine,</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">despite having more lines on the notepaper.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">Some of mine I should really abide by.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">Endings of a year make your heart heavy:</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">what should I have done?</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">what should I not have done?</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">I can think of a hundred answers to each,</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">as I'm sure you can too.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">Someone chucking out a post-Christmas </span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">sack of rubbish onto the street</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">makes a crowd of pigeons clatter away from</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">their pathetic, spindly-branched tree, </span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">up out into the grey swirl -</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">it's only a few days until a new year</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">and of course I fully expect it to be significant, </span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">or healing.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">It'll come around and we will be okay,</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">no big fanfare or change,</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">the bins will get collected,</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">the pigeons will resume their post,</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">light lingers a little longer each day</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">and before I know it, </span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">I'll be sowing sweet peas again,</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">lost in the slick roll of time,</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">trying to remember my life rules,</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">wondering what I'll pick for rule 39. </span><!--/data/user/0/com.samsung.android.app.notes/files/clipdata/clipdata_bodytext_221228_092009_335.sdocx--><script type="text/javascript">
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<span style="font-size: 17px;">I'm six.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 17px;">Life for me is Sylvanian Families,</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 17px;">eating custard creams,</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 17px;">and asking to have pigtails</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 17px;">so I can be like my hero:</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 17px;">Mildred Hubble, the worst witch.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 17px;">I am so obsessed with her</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 17px;">that I cry each time the VHS ended,</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 17px;">forgetting I can just watch it again.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 17px;">Today I'm in a best dress, </span><br />
<span style="font-size: 17px;">and the house is dressed for my</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 17px;">birthday party. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: 17px;">My sister is on helper duty,</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 17px;">pressing stop and play on the cassette deck</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 17px;">for musical statues.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 17px;">The table is loaded with party rings and</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 17px;">skips and quavers.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 17px;">My friends and classmates file in.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 17px;">We play Kims Game - </span><br />
<span style="font-size: 17px;">guessing things on a tray if you'd like a summary</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 17px;">of just how analogue we were in the 80s.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 17px;">My best friend Jessie and I have a scrap</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 17px;">over who gets to watch the clock</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 17px;">for a timed game.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 17px;">I dissolve.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 17px;">I lock myself in the bathroom.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 17px;">I won't come out.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 17px;">I howl.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 17px;">I press my hot, teary face against the bathroom door</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 17px;">and hear the party going on without me.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 17px;">This makes me cry more.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 17px;">I hear "time for cake!"</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 17px;">I get dragged out of the bathroom,</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 17px;">puffy faced and pink.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 17px;">I stand and am sung to.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 17px;">I am forced in front of my dad's camera,</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 17px;">SMILE RACHEL!</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 17px;">I force a smile out, amid the tears.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 17px;">Little do I know this gigantic huff</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 17px;">will go down in history,</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 17px;">and come back to haunt me</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 17px;">when family stories are trotted out.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 17px;">I vow to never cry at a party again.</span><!--/data/user/0/com.samsung.android.app.notes/files/clipdata/clipdata_bodytext_220422_074321_280.sdocx--><script type="text/javascript">
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<span>disappear</span><br />
<span>into thin air,</span><br />
<span>on a day when it snowed</span><br />
<span>and blared hot sun</span><br />
<span>then snowed again.</span><br />
<span>I vanished into nothing but</span><br />
<span>a stream of thought,</span><br />
<span>an overthinking,</span><br />
<span>where no amount of wine</span><br />
<span>or garishly cliched bubble baths</span><br />
<span>could ease the knot in my stomach.</span><br />
<span>I watched snow melt into the sea</span><br />
<span>while shading my eyes </span><br />
<span>behind sunglasses, </span><br />
<span>looking for the line where the clouds</span><br />
<span>stopped and the sea started,</span><br />
<span>but could not find it.</span><br />
<span>There I stood, staring into nothing, </span><br />
<span>hoping to find something.</span><br />
<span>A cup of coffee later, </span><br />
<span>I took a blustery walk, </span><br />
<span>a vain attempt</span><br />
<span>to untangle the</span><br />
<span>weeds in my head.</span><br />
<span>Funny how I can clear everyone else's </span><br />
<span>garden, but never my own.</span><br />
<span>I need to employ someone</span><br />
<span>to sweep clear my mind,</span><br />
<span>make it fresh again,</span><br />
<span>the gleaming after picture</span><br />
<span>that follows the before.</span><br />
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font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Remembering how fallen leaves felt under</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Lora, serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">my school shoes. </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Lora, serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Autumn has always made me feel this way -</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Lora, serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">over thoughtful. </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Lora, serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">My driving instructor makes me go past my</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Lora, serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">old secondary school; </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Lora, serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I joke the route is triggering for me. </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Lora, serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">But I remember pulling on a pale blue shirt,</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Lora, serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">ironed by my mum and warmed from the rad, </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Lora, serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">looking out of my window on mornings like this, </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Lora, serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">watching the spectacular show and not </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Lora, serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">quite knowing how to process it. </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Lora, serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I knew there was something in me with</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Lora, serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">something to say,</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Lora, serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">but it was like I couldn’t reach it.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Lora, serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Now I’m older. </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Lora, serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I welcome these mornings to charge me:</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Lora, serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">top up my energy levels, </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Lora, serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">no chance of running out when I’ve been witness to</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Lora, serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">the kind of sky that makes me want to write.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Lora, serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I see girls in my old uniform walk to school,</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Lora, serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">and I think god poor them, </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Lora, serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">you couldn’t pay me to go back. </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Lora, serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">They have it all ahead of them. </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Lora, serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Does it still smell the same? I wonder.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Lora, serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Are any teachers from back then still there?</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Lora, serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I drive past the buildings that are barely recognisable any more,</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Lora, serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">on a bright autumn morning full of promise,</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Lora, serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">just like those girls -</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Lora, serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I hope they are okay. </span></p></span><script type="text/javascript">
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<span style="font-size: 16px;">crackles like rice crispies,</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">until it's quieted by the dead thud </span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">of the rollers?</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">I know this because I walk beside it,</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">the steaming street,</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">that gluegun scent,</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">on one of those rain-but-also-hot days.</span><div><span style="font-size: 16px;">The road sounds like it's cooking,</span><br /><span style="font-size: 16px;">the hot-oil-crisping</span><br /><span style="font-size: 16px;">of roast potatoes,</span><br /><span style="font-size: 16px;">or the fizz of butter in a pan awaiting</span><br /><span style="font-size: 16px;">circles of onion.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">A man comes out of his house,</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">you know,</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">the type of retired man who likes to watch </span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">good work being done,</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">to remind him of his past. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">I watch too. We exchange a glance,</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">before off I go again, </span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">another diary crammed to the rafters</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">but always time to listen to a </span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">road being cooked for serving,</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">to be garnished with fresh yellow lines,</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">and a fine sprinkle of falling leaves. </span><!--/data/user/0/com.samsung.android.app.notes/files/clipdata/clipdata_bodytext_210910_115250_136.sdocx--><script type="text/javascript">
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<span style="font-size: 16px;">slack jawed and listless,</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">wondering what other kinds of games</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">exist where you get points </span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">directly from</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">the other player's mistakes.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">I thought I didn't really care,</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">but then every summer I'm shouting when</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">it hits the net, or</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">craving Robinson's squash,</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">or</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">thinking how I'm </span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">turned on by aces.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">I like to judge the </span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">girlfriends' blow dries,</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">am amused by the slo mo replays,</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">and I say we must go and play tennis,</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">knowing that if we actually went </span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">I wouldn't like how big the court seems,</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">preferring to watch them little,</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">highly competent and sinewy</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">on the screen,</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">while I lounge in hot rooms,</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">craving Robinson's squash. </span><!--/data/user/0/com.samsung.android.app.notes/files/clipdata/clipdata_bodytext_210628_214038_237.sdocx--><script type="text/javascript">
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<span style="font-size: 16px;">Not the kind of silence that fills a room</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">when you think there's nothing</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">left to say,</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">or the daytime quiet of a flat you've been</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">confined to for far too long, </span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">where the ticking of a clock can drive</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">you close to a kind of madness.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">No, instead </span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">the deep peace of being Away:</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">in a place where neighbours don't </span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">crash to bed late</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">or endlessly drill on hot days.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">Away is a place where you remind yourself to</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">listen to the absolute nothing of it all.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">Only birds break the quiet</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">and we permit this gladly.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">The silence shocked us at first </span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">but we melt into it,</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">our feet padding on the decking,</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">our music low if on at all.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">We strain to hear a disturbance</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">but it only comes in the form of </span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">a hawthorn hedge creaking in front of us,</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">that sweet birdsong, </span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">or the tiny sound of a wine glass</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">being set down on the table.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">Here it starts to heal us slowly,</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">a warm bloom around our hearts,</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">a balm for the clash and blare inside our heads.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">The silence fills the air.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">The second we are home </span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">we miss it, saying let's chase it again, </span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">as soon as we can. </span><!--/data/user/0/com.samsung.android.app.notes/files/clipdata/clipdata_bodytext_210601_072915_779.sdocx--><script type="text/javascript">
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<span style="font-size: 16px;">as though you're boiling a ham,</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">but leave the window wide</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">so that snow blusters in to land and</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">fastly melt on your face;</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">it's extraordinary what you'll do </span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">to feel something.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">Brew the strongest coffee,</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">drink the most potent of drinks,</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">choke the air with the headiest of incense.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">Slide into an iced estuary in</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">next to nothing and </span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">breathe your way through the shock.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">Walk for miles or better yet, run </span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">until your muscles scream. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">Melt them in a salt bath.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">Feel, numb, repeat.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">You drain the bathwater,</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">weightless no more,</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">heat belting off your lobster arms</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">like graveyard dry ice in a cheap horror.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">The snow-chill goosebumps your skin,</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">you watch it fall outside,</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">and swathe yourself in softest towels,</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">leaving behind you a</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16px;">sandalwood bath salt-scented drift.</span><!--/data/user/0/com.samsung.android.app.notes/files/clipdata/clipdata_bodytext_210406_112547_313.sdocx--><script type="text/javascript">
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<span>that the human heart</span><br />
<span>is the size of your fist.</span><br />
<span>We sat on a bench looking up at the</span><br />
<span>coastal pines</span><br />
<span>eating cookies and drinking tea.</span><br />
<span>Outdoor pursuits again,</span><br />
<span>but they don't seem to mind.</span><br />
<span><i>Those pine cones are the size of a fist,</i></span><br /><span>they said.</span><br />
<i><span>Imagine if there was a man with </span><br />
<span>a pine cone for a heart.</span><br />
<span>He'd be like magic wood folk or something,</span></i><br /><span>they said,</span><div>
<span>and carried on saving the best chocolate</span></div><div><span>chip til last,</span></div><div>leaving me to beam</div><div>at the way their mind works,<br /><div>
<span>which drifted seamlessly onto</span></div><div><span>the next imagining</span><br />
<span>like it was no effort at all.</span><!--/data/user/0/com.samsung.android.app.notes/files/clipdata/clipdata_bodytext_210306_131854_697.sdocx--><script type="text/javascript">
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The chill air rushes</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Lora; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">through the open window, a growl in the dark.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Lora; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I think of Kate Bush singing about wind whistling through the house - </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Lora; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">and then it forces the </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Lora; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">bedroom door to click open, closed, open, closed, open again,</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Lora; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">a cheap scary-movie effect that has me seeing</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Lora; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">twelve, one, two o'clocks,</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Lora; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">and rising at three to write this.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Lora; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I think of other storms I've weathered-</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Lora; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">the photographs of little me in my buggy beside felled trees</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Lora; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">from the 1987 hurricane, </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Lora; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">aged oaks laying like the sick triceratops in Jurassic Park.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Lora; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Or,</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Lora;"><span style="font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">leaning my full body weight against that wind </span><span style="font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">on the cliff in Cornwall on my birthday last year, </span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Lora; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">giddy with the rush and laughing in my saturated coat and glasses.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Lora; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Or the Margate wind we couldn't quite explain.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Lora; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The storm we crawled up aeroplane steps in, laughably testing your fears.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Lora; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I think of windows -</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Lora; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">the spaghetti measurer my mum uses to close her kitchen window </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Lora; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">because she can't quite reach.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Lora; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The one we could watch the seafront fireworks from on New Year's Eve.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Lora; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Peter Panning saying "Always keep it open!"</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Lora; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I think of doors-</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Lora; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">this very bedroom one that wedged shut when we had a train to catch.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Lora; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">My oldest-nephew and my almost-niece sweetly singing 'Love is an Open Door' </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Lora; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">when they were both little.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Lora; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The glossy varnish of the front door of my parents' house, </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Lora; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">with its letterbox that's far too small.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Lora;"><span style="font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I listen at the howl outside, thinking how I’ll return to the warmest
of beds </span><span style="font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">and try to sleep.</span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Lora; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I listen for the gate we repaired yesterday to split again.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Lora; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I wait for sleep but wind, and windows, and doors, churn in my mind.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Lora; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I weather this storm too.</span></p><div><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div></span><script type="text/javascript">
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try {
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} catch(err) {}</script><div>through the pixels, </div><div>into that world of yours,</div><div>your other one,</div><div>the one that roams freely during sleepless</div><div>3ams,</div><div>the one that is a whole somehow,</div><div>where taking a step into it feels like </div><div>a deja-vu,</div><div>of some other life you had.</div><div>Know the faces and</div><div>hear the voices, </div><div>like you've tipped over into</div><div>full-on hallucinations,</div><div>where it's real and also not at all.</div><div>Add in actual sunsets, mornings, skies you've seen</div><div>and noted</div><div>but put them through your creations' eyes instead,</div><div>and wonder how they feel to look at them.</div><div>Place items on their bedside tables,</div><div>pick out clothes for them like a mother might,</div><div>breathe thoughts into their empty heads. </div>Ray Morgan | Poetryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07805593569452355559noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1896781933071386113.post-44057932612114255892020-09-28T10:24:00.002-07:002020-09-29T00:07:45.153-07:00Formation <i>Stop, listen, </i><br />
I said,<br />
and tapped your arm mid sentence.<br /><i>
Look</i>: and we looked up<br />
on Rectory Grove.<br />
Drawn across the late blue sky<br />
like a calligraphy pen,<br />
a perfect V formation of geese,<br />
squabbling their way to the sea.<br />
We stared at them with idiot smiles.<br />
They seared above us only for a <br />
second or two,<br />
we held a bottle of prosecco <br />
running with condensation,<br />
one of those last warm nights,<br />
and went off to drink it,<br />
but<br />
rendered speechless<br />
by those endlessly chattering birds. <br />
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